Sitting in my instructor’s office for circuit lesson 6 debrief.
My instructor, all casual goes, “You ready for your first solo tomorrow?” like they’re asking what’s for dinner.
“No, i’m not ready” I snap
We keep talking, but my result in the RT listening test held back any solo plans. They look at my exam score, say, “75?!” and give me this look, like I was so close to making it. It stings, like I’ve let them down. And honestly, i feel like i have. This is the first (hopefully the last) exam I’ve ever failed at FTA.
That solo question hit me hard. What’s eating me up is how inconsistent I am. Some days, I’m on point, others days I’m all over the place. That inconsistency’s killing me cos soloing demands you’re steady every time.
There’s a bunch of internal tests we need to pass before solo, and failing the listening test was weirdly feels like a relief. It gave me these past couple days to catch my breath, to deal with the stress I didn’t even know was choking me.
Watching my mate’s flight this week only made it worse. I backseated his lesson, and he was handling the DA40 like it’s an extension of him. I felt crap sitting at the back, like I’ll never measure up. That comparison crushed me, but it also let some of the stress leak out. I’ve been too harsh on myself, chasing this impossible standard. My instructor keeps saying you don’t need to be perfect for a solo, just safe. Starting to think they’re right. If they didn’t believe I could do this, they wouldn’t push me toward the check ride. Their judgment’s solid, and I’m leaning into that.
Been flying ever day, Sunday through Thursday, for 3 weeks straight, Then, after Monday, no lessons. Just…nothing. Suddenly, I’ve got all this free time, and I feel empty, so empty, like my whole routine got yanked away.
To fill that void, I drove to the edge of the airport, parked by the fence, and watched planes take off / land. Something about seeing those DA40s and Cessnas touch down, one after another, somehow calmed my nerves. I also started reading Mindset by Carol Dweck. It’s about growth, not being perfect from the start. That’s what i’m holding onto rn.
Even with no flying, I head to the apron every night, running through all the stuff to build muscle memory, making sure I don’t get rusty. Bit by bit, I’m talking myself down from that perfectionist cliff.
Monday feels like ages ago. I’m not as anxious as i was, but there’s still this fear i can’t quite pin down. Fear of screwing up? Fear of not passing the check ride? Fear of letting my instructor down maybe? I don’t know.
I’m learning, one flight at a time. Starting to trust I can do this.
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